Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
