My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
