I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
