Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
