i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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