i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
