I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
