If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
