whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
