I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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