look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
