what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there was a trapeze. enough said
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
