New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
