There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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