I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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