I have demons in me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
