She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
