he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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