Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
