Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
