i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
