break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize