He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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