I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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