So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
