If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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