Pregnant stripper...not hot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
