Pappa wants mamma naked
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
