i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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