I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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