I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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