belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
