Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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