I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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