Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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