I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
