God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
