I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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