Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she told me i tasted like america
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
