Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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