I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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