last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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