she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
