There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
