ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
