I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
