Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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