Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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