So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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