white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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