and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
