So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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