YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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