Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
