she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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