these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
