We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
