Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
