Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
