she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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