apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
