There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
