i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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