my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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