My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
