she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
