she woke up with a sticky ear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
