yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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