Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My penis needs a shock collar
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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