Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
