he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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