I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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