Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
