It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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