I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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